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ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND
VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right
now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll
get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those
reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone
company, I already sent the money. If you are my
parents, please send money. If you are my financial
aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If
you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering
machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for
the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are
you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you
soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is
his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and
I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am
capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need
siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are
clean. They give to charity through their office
and do not need their picture taken. If you're still
with me, leave your name and number and they will
get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine - this is a
telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone,
think about your name, your number and your reason
for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding
someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I
don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer
the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait
by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at
home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come
to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and
it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the
right to remain silent. Everything you say will be
recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't
pick up the phone right now, because we're doing
something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up
and down, and I like doing it left to right... real
slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done
brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
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