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Mi Vida Loca
RING
RING
*CLICK*
-Dear Caller , Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
-We've fitted a new telephone system this month so we apologize if you
experience any technical difficulties. We suggest if you have any
problems you follow these instructions to the letter to preserve your
sanity.
-If you are obsessive-compulsive , press 1 repeatedly.
-If you are co-dependant , please ask someone else to press 2 .
-If you have multiple personalities please press 3, 4, 5, and 6
-If you are a paranoid-delusional , we know who you are and what you
want , so just stay on the line so we can trace your call .
-If you are a schizophrenic , listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press .
-If you are a manic-depressive , it doesn't matter which number you
press . No-one will answer .
-If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate , please be aware
that the thing you are holding to the side of your head is alive and
about to bite your head off .
-If you're still there please press 9 and keep talking until you've
finished or run out of money.
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